Parenting really stinks sometimes

Does anyone else out there know what it's like to not really prefer your own children? This has been an interesting week where I have had the opportunity to see my eldest as he truly is. As our pastor says, "We all come with as-is tags". Well, I have witnessed the tags of my child.

He and his best buddy...think, connected at the hip for four years, even through a move....started fighting because of a girl this week. I don't want to be one of the parents that acts surprised, but I am...what in the hell are we fighting over girls for at 11? What's up with that? Although, if I'm truly honest with myself, I clearly remember jealousy over boys in the 5th grade. That's when it really started. So, they started bickering over email...sending one liners back and forth. And of course, we all know, don't we, that email is the worst place to try to resolve any conflict. Tones are inferred that may or may not be there...hence the infamous :) everywhere.

Me in my kind momminess decided that my child was incapable of hurting another and sided with him....even though I didn't want to admit it. Then last night I got word that he called his best friend, his buddy, an "effin piece of s***". Well, today I am pissed. He led me to believe through lies and innocent eyes that it wasn't his fault. That he was not to blame...then I get this information.

I can't be nice to him today. I am making him apologize, of course. I want to rub his nose in it...I want to be snarky and sarcastic. I want to cuss him out. Am I? Did I? No. Thankfully (or not) my husband is home to protect him. If I was a single mom...you can only imagine what my house would sound like right now.

I'm not ready to let him off the hook, but I'm also not sure when I'll ever feel it. So, maybe it's a choice. Maybe I just have to hope the lessons were learned, the tears were cried and the heart was changed. Maybe it's time to let go...let him do the rest of the work...trust in the friendship...and seek peace again. I need to because I have lost far too much sleep this week.