"I have heard, what you want most is my love." Natalie Grant "You Deserve"
Why as humans do we make it so difficult?
Why as Christians do we make it so difficult?
Why do we put rules and regulations and legalism to everything?
Isn't it simple? He just wants our love! In loving Him we love others...our family, our children, our homeless, our broken hurting world. Yet we have to throw around a bunch of crappy platitudes in church about tithing and doing it right. It seems to me that we've got it all screwed up. We want to have a list of rules to follow, watch Fox News, vote for the "right" party, and do what good Christians do...while we shit on our own. While we withhold love from our children. While we sit in the judgement seat and proclaim God's holiness, wrath and condemnation. What the Hell are we doing?
All he wants from us is our love.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Under Construction
I am smack dab in the middle of summer, three kids, one dog, a husband, and me. It is a recipe for great joy and incredible frustation. I must manage my expectations of myself, and our family so that I don't get us all into trouble.
The past two-and-a-half weeks have been spent at our double wide in Gunnison. We purchased the place back in the fall, and this is my first time in this part of our state in the summer. One word...Magical. It is a fabulous plot of land on the Gunnison River, just north of town. I love it here, so much that I keep extending our stay. What started as 10 days will be a month when all is said and done. I am a fortunate soul, that I have the time and flexibility, plus the resources to do this. Eric has been commuting back and forth, while I'm here with the kids. We have had many family members, so this is my third day single parenting it.
It's an interesting thing, to be here, without the "pressures" or distractions of life. I love my pressures and distractions..I have a great life in Longmont, but here it's different. It's small town living. There's a simplicity I've never known before. We are active, but restful at the same time. It's interesting.
I have the sense that God has hung a "Road Closed: Under Construction" sign around my neck. I am just resting. When my brain starts to wander, and I start to listen to The Voices, I come back to peace. It's a neat place to be. I'm seeking him each morning in the enclosed porch of my double wide, on the 1965 recliner, with my coffee and the birds. He is here, He is in me, He is speaking and I am listening.
The past two-and-a-half weeks have been spent at our double wide in Gunnison. We purchased the place back in the fall, and this is my first time in this part of our state in the summer. One word...Magical. It is a fabulous plot of land on the Gunnison River, just north of town. I love it here, so much that I keep extending our stay. What started as 10 days will be a month when all is said and done. I am a fortunate soul, that I have the time and flexibility, plus the resources to do this. Eric has been commuting back and forth, while I'm here with the kids. We have had many family members, so this is my third day single parenting it.
It's an interesting thing, to be here, without the "pressures" or distractions of life. I love my pressures and distractions..I have a great life in Longmont, but here it's different. It's small town living. There's a simplicity I've never known before. We are active, but restful at the same time. It's interesting.
I have the sense that God has hung a "Road Closed: Under Construction" sign around my neck. I am just resting. When my brain starts to wander, and I start to listen to The Voices, I come back to peace. It's a neat place to be. I'm seeking him each morning in the enclosed porch of my double wide, on the 1965 recliner, with my coffee and the birds. He is here, He is in me, He is speaking and I am listening.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Scared Slinkies
It has been awhile. I have been living with some things lately that just don't seem right bubbling to the surface in the form of a blog post. I will chat about them on a run or consider them in deeper conversation, but it's still kind of a private, close-to-the-heart sort of time yet. It will happen eventually, but, uncharacteristically I am erring on the private side of things.
The past week or so has been a ride. I'm kind of in a state of slinky. You know the traffic you get stuck in where you can go from 5 mph to 60 and back down to 5 again. When I'm the passenger in the car, I tend to activate my "fake brake" foot a lot. I'll tend to the kids, then turn around and yelp because there's a car approaching quickly. Eric always has things under control, but I don't dare take my foot off the brake. The end of the school year is like that. Last week I can't even believe I uttered the word "bored" to somebody at school pick up. What in the world was I thinking? When you say it, it gives it power and goes away! Now, I would settle for some "bored". The calendar has filled up overnight and Eric and I seem to be giving a lot of high fives at the door as we run from one thing to the next. It's all good stuff, just busy. Now is the time that prepares me for the the laziness, the schedulelessness of summer. I think I will welcome it this year.
Today I have been afraid. I typically don't succumb to fear...I do trust...I am grateful...I know God is in control and he has his perfect timing. I generally live in a state of peace. Today, however, has brought me to my proverbial knees. I am scared. Who qualified me to be a parent? Why didn't somebody stop me and say, "You will love these little people so much, it's just not worth it." Please, I'm not going to go do anything drastic...I have just never felt such love and vulnerability. I can totally see now why the response may be to homeschool, cut off all communication from the outside world, only eat at Chick fil a, listen only to Christian music, no television, only "G" rated movies, no cell phones, ipods, email, Facebook, no swimming with members of the opposite sex. Do you see where I'm going? I feel paralyzed today, like there is no good in the world. Forget being a light, let's just worry about our own.
But John says, "Perfect love drives out fear...". Isn't God enough even when my open heart feels so naked, like somebody could just come by and slash it to pieces? Why do I fear being defined by what my kids do or don't do? What makes me me? Maybe the fear isn't so much in the harm that can come to my kids, but what it will do to me. I know, believe me, that God can and will use ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to accomplish his purposes. At some point, surrender will have to be my response with these guys. I will not be Mommy for much longer...what then? Who's going to make sure my boys don't look at porn online? Who's going to protect my daughter and make sure she dresses appropriately? Who's going to keep them out of someone's bed? Who's going to sniff them when they come home to make sure there's not unfamiliar substances hanging out on their clothes, hair and breath? I will not be there! It cannot be my job. I can do what I can do now, but what about then? God has to be enough. He is the only answer!! Believe me...I am going to fight tooth and nail for their purity, choices and protection while I can. There is so much for us to do as parents now. But ultimately it will be out of my hands.
These days are tough. I am not alone in this and I pray for parents who are trying their hardest to raise responsible, God fearing, healthy kids in a tough age. Is it tougher than it's always been? I don't know, different challenges to be sure. My job is to be faithful, gracious and quick to say I'm sorry, because I will blow it, too.
The past week or so has been a ride. I'm kind of in a state of slinky. You know the traffic you get stuck in where you can go from 5 mph to 60 and back down to 5 again. When I'm the passenger in the car, I tend to activate my "fake brake" foot a lot. I'll tend to the kids, then turn around and yelp because there's a car approaching quickly. Eric always has things under control, but I don't dare take my foot off the brake. The end of the school year is like that. Last week I can't even believe I uttered the word "bored" to somebody at school pick up. What in the world was I thinking? When you say it, it gives it power and goes away! Now, I would settle for some "bored". The calendar has filled up overnight and Eric and I seem to be giving a lot of high fives at the door as we run from one thing to the next. It's all good stuff, just busy. Now is the time that prepares me for the the laziness, the schedulelessness of summer. I think I will welcome it this year.
Today I have been afraid. I typically don't succumb to fear...I do trust...I am grateful...I know God is in control and he has his perfect timing. I generally live in a state of peace. Today, however, has brought me to my proverbial knees. I am scared. Who qualified me to be a parent? Why didn't somebody stop me and say, "You will love these little people so much, it's just not worth it." Please, I'm not going to go do anything drastic...I have just never felt such love and vulnerability. I can totally see now why the response may be to homeschool, cut off all communication from the outside world, only eat at Chick fil a, listen only to Christian music, no television, only "G" rated movies, no cell phones, ipods, email, Facebook, no swimming with members of the opposite sex. Do you see where I'm going? I feel paralyzed today, like there is no good in the world. Forget being a light, let's just worry about our own.
But John says, "Perfect love drives out fear...". Isn't God enough even when my open heart feels so naked, like somebody could just come by and slash it to pieces? Why do I fear being defined by what my kids do or don't do? What makes me me? Maybe the fear isn't so much in the harm that can come to my kids, but what it will do to me. I know, believe me, that God can and will use ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to accomplish his purposes. At some point, surrender will have to be my response with these guys. I will not be Mommy for much longer...what then? Who's going to make sure my boys don't look at porn online? Who's going to protect my daughter and make sure she dresses appropriately? Who's going to keep them out of someone's bed? Who's going to sniff them when they come home to make sure there's not unfamiliar substances hanging out on their clothes, hair and breath? I will not be there! It cannot be my job. I can do what I can do now, but what about then? God has to be enough. He is the only answer!! Believe me...I am going to fight tooth and nail for their purity, choices and protection while I can. There is so much for us to do as parents now. But ultimately it will be out of my hands.
These days are tough. I am not alone in this and I pray for parents who are trying their hardest to raise responsible, God fearing, healthy kids in a tough age. Is it tougher than it's always been? I don't know, different challenges to be sure. My job is to be faithful, gracious and quick to say I'm sorry, because I will blow it, too.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Gymnastics and Fruit
I don't know what my problem has been lately...maybe I've been coasting or resting my brain. Who knows. I have had the typical ups and downs, but very peaceful and joy-filled for the most part.
The last couple of days have brought back to mind the real struggle it is to live in grace. My book study has been about God's pruning and how his perfect cuts reveal better fruit. I get that, but I think my interest lies in what does fruit look like? Just as certain seasons produce certain fruits in agriculture, I think that's what it looks like in my own spiritual walk. I have a real problem with comparisons: comparing my family to other families - how do we measure up, better or worse - moms, women, athletes, Christians, neighbors, etc. The list goes on....and on.
I guess the question lies in where do I gain my approval. Is my approval from the people around me? My children? Does my approval from whomever relate to the abundance of fruit, regardless of quality? I read this quote in "My Utmost for His Highest" this morning:
"It is arduous work to keep the master ambition in front. It means holding oneself to the high ideal year in and year out, not being ambitious to win souls or to establish churches or to have revivals, but being ambitious only to 'please him'. It is not lack of spiritual experience that leads us to failure, but lack of labouring to keep the ideal right. Once a week at least take stock before God and see whether you are keeping your life up to the standard He wishes. Paul is like a musician who does not heed the approval of an audience if he can catch the look of approval from His master". - Chambers
I had the delight last night to watch my daughter at gymnastics. There is something amazing and rewarding for parents when a child FINALLY finds something they enjoy and do it with all their might and determination. That's my girl. She loves gymnastics and is happiest when she's cartwheeing, handstanding, and front-walkovering. I observed her from an elevated small room with bench seats for parents to sit and pass the time. It is enclosed with glass so parents can see out and kids see in. I entered this space late into the class but once she knew I was present, she often would "check in" visually. Typically, after doing something that was difficult. I think about this in regards to the quote above. My daughter's movements were not perfect, but since I knew she was working, doing her best, my heart swelled with pride and in those brief exchanged glances I was able to smile and give her a thumbs-up. On the other hand...if she was down there messing around, laying on the floor, being disrespectful and wasting my money, we'd have to have a sit down discussion. She probably wouldn't be looking up at me for approval, instead she would keep her head down and possibly continue her misbehavior.
Is this what it's like with God? If he is to be our Source of all, our Approval, then doesn't he look at us and esteem us with pride and grace as we in our utter humanness, try and maybe fail. Our motives and actions may not be perfect but are they pure? Are we determined to please him in our efforts and be humble in the process? I can look at others' fruit and think I am unworthy of God's approval..where does this come from? Certainly, not Him. The fruit this season is not so much about production, but getting the Source of the fruit in the right spot...examining heart, mind, motives. Yes, I can always do better, but at this point I want to please him with my gaze not my busyness.
The last couple of days have brought back to mind the real struggle it is to live in grace. My book study has been about God's pruning and how his perfect cuts reveal better fruit. I get that, but I think my interest lies in what does fruit look like? Just as certain seasons produce certain fruits in agriculture, I think that's what it looks like in my own spiritual walk. I have a real problem with comparisons: comparing my family to other families - how do we measure up, better or worse - moms, women, athletes, Christians, neighbors, etc. The list goes on....and on.
I guess the question lies in where do I gain my approval. Is my approval from the people around me? My children? Does my approval from whomever relate to the abundance of fruit, regardless of quality? I read this quote in "My Utmost for His Highest" this morning:
"It is arduous work to keep the master ambition in front. It means holding oneself to the high ideal year in and year out, not being ambitious to win souls or to establish churches or to have revivals, but being ambitious only to 'please him'. It is not lack of spiritual experience that leads us to failure, but lack of labouring to keep the ideal right. Once a week at least take stock before God and see whether you are keeping your life up to the standard He wishes. Paul is like a musician who does not heed the approval of an audience if he can catch the look of approval from His master". - Chambers
I had the delight last night to watch my daughter at gymnastics. There is something amazing and rewarding for parents when a child FINALLY finds something they enjoy and do it with all their might and determination. That's my girl. She loves gymnastics and is happiest when she's cartwheeing, handstanding, and front-walkovering. I observed her from an elevated small room with bench seats for parents to sit and pass the time. It is enclosed with glass so parents can see out and kids see in. I entered this space late into the class but once she knew I was present, she often would "check in" visually. Typically, after doing something that was difficult. I think about this in regards to the quote above. My daughter's movements were not perfect, but since I knew she was working, doing her best, my heart swelled with pride and in those brief exchanged glances I was able to smile and give her a thumbs-up. On the other hand...if she was down there messing around, laying on the floor, being disrespectful and wasting my money, we'd have to have a sit down discussion. She probably wouldn't be looking up at me for approval, instead she would keep her head down and possibly continue her misbehavior.
Is this what it's like with God? If he is to be our Source of all, our Approval, then doesn't he look at us and esteem us with pride and grace as we in our utter humanness, try and maybe fail. Our motives and actions may not be perfect but are they pure? Are we determined to please him in our efforts and be humble in the process? I can look at others' fruit and think I am unworthy of God's approval..where does this come from? Certainly, not Him. The fruit this season is not so much about production, but getting the Source of the fruit in the right spot...examining heart, mind, motives. Yes, I can always do better, but at this point I want to please him with my gaze not my busyness.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Gleaning
I generally go on a bit of a "life hiatus" when I have guests in my home. My parents are here, now for a week. The timing was impeccable as this morning I had the carcinoma on my lip excised. According to the doctor I look like Daisy Duck underneath the vast amount of bandagery that runs from mouth to nose. It's quite a look...such that I will forego picking my kids up today from school and taking them to gymnastics. I don't particularly enjoy scaring little children.
I've experienced an interesting lesson in all of this. I just haven't thought of this as much of a big deal, but I realized today, how truly blessed I am to experience life with the people I do...from my husband and kids, to friends, to my extended family. I don't like to ask much of others. But then, on the flip side, I try very hard to give appropriately when someone else is in need. In my Bible Study yesterday we discussed the principle of gleaning. In Leviticus, God (through Moses) lays down the rules for the Israelites when it comes to harvesting their crops. He makes specific instructions to the farmers to leave the edges of the field unplowed, so the widow, orphan and alien may come and partake.
There were two things about God that I noticed here. The first...God provides for us all, whether we are in a time of plenty or want. He gives us either just enough or abundance. Is one better than the other? I am inclined to say no. I believe that (according to my own experience) that in times of abundance, it is VERY easy to take our eyes off of God, his providence and perfect care. It is such a temptation to slip into the pattern of believing it's MY doing...which it isn't. At. All.
Secondly, personally, being the gleaner (the person doing the gleaning) is difficult moreso than being the farmer, providing. If I'm in a season of gleaning I must be willing to look honestly at my abilities, time, resources and surrender those to others. I wonder if this pride thing really keeps me from blessing others with the privilege of giving. I know how great I feel when I can do my little part in someone else's life...why can't I give that joy to another?
A few little tidbits for the day. I am still practicing my Eucharisteo...400 nearly. What a powerful practice. I am just awed each day by God's goodness and miracles. Yesterday, I saw a blue mailbox and it struck me as truly wonderful...we all see the blue mailboxes. Today, I noticed, in February, a woman had a striped summer bag. The old me would have thought, "My, isn't it a bit early for this fashion accessory?" But, no, I realized what a blessing it was to have bright, happy colors on a bare Colorado morning. My "soul holes", as I like to call them, are really filling up. I have desired this for so long...this peace that passes understanding.
I've experienced an interesting lesson in all of this. I just haven't thought of this as much of a big deal, but I realized today, how truly blessed I am to experience life with the people I do...from my husband and kids, to friends, to my extended family. I don't like to ask much of others. But then, on the flip side, I try very hard to give appropriately when someone else is in need. In my Bible Study yesterday we discussed the principle of gleaning. In Leviticus, God (through Moses) lays down the rules for the Israelites when it comes to harvesting their crops. He makes specific instructions to the farmers to leave the edges of the field unplowed, so the widow, orphan and alien may come and partake.
There were two things about God that I noticed here. The first...God provides for us all, whether we are in a time of plenty or want. He gives us either just enough or abundance. Is one better than the other? I am inclined to say no. I believe that (according to my own experience) that in times of abundance, it is VERY easy to take our eyes off of God, his providence and perfect care. It is such a temptation to slip into the pattern of believing it's MY doing...which it isn't. At. All.
Secondly, personally, being the gleaner (the person doing the gleaning) is difficult moreso than being the farmer, providing. If I'm in a season of gleaning I must be willing to look honestly at my abilities, time, resources and surrender those to others. I wonder if this pride thing really keeps me from blessing others with the privilege of giving. I know how great I feel when I can do my little part in someone else's life...why can't I give that joy to another?
A few little tidbits for the day. I am still practicing my Eucharisteo...400 nearly. What a powerful practice. I am just awed each day by God's goodness and miracles. Yesterday, I saw a blue mailbox and it struck me as truly wonderful...we all see the blue mailboxes. Today, I noticed, in February, a woman had a striped summer bag. The old me would have thought, "My, isn't it a bit early for this fashion accessory?" But, no, I realized what a blessing it was to have bright, happy colors on a bare Colorado morning. My "soul holes", as I like to call them, are really filling up. I have desired this for so long...this peace that passes understanding.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Birds of the Air
I had the delightful privilege of running on Sunday morning. Overnight, an unexpected 4 inches of snow fell and I was able to get out before much digging had occurred. There is something remarkable about strapping on the running shoes and Yaktrax, not knowing what the experience may hold. To add to the unknown, I brought along Theo, my 11 month old Portuguese Water Dog. We had a time of it. I did my best to stay in the tire treads and not slip. Theo, being terrible on the leash kind of whipped me this way and that. Once he got tired, though, he stayed close.
God, through his perfect repetition, is teaching me a very important lesson. I am being constantly reminded of the passage beginning in Matthew 6:
"Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Matthew 6:25-27
As I was leaving the neighborhood, I looked up and in the trees lining the road were robins...hundreds of them, feasting on the winter berries. I couldn't believe my eyes, the sheer magnitude of birds on this snowy, cold morning. No foliage in sight, except berries. All of the robins in Southwest Longmont must have been there at that moment. I was mesmerized and cheered beyond words. Not only were they colorful, but they were FAT! I love fat birds. Isn't that just amazing, that God would give the birds more than enough?
Theo and I continued our interesting gait over to the reservoir about a mile and a half away. We "ran" to the entrance and looked out on the ice and noticed three coyotes traversing the expanse. It was miraculous, to say the least. Their coats weren't ratty, they were not starving, they were obviously well fed and nourished. I was so grateful for that moment, to see these beautiful creatures being cared for perfectly by our heavenly Father.
So, if God takes abundant care of coyotes and robins, why do I spend so much mental energy in worry? It not only gets me nowhere, but quite possibly may send me backwards. I exhaust myself by running this scenario and that possibility, instead of resting at the feet of my shepherd. When it's time to move, He will lead, He will let me know.
In our book study, "Scouting the Divine", by Margaret Feinberg, she says,
"For the sheep that always wanders off - and leads other sheep astray in the process - a shepherd my resort to breaking a leg of the sheep. Then the shepherd would hand feed the sheep and carry it until the bone mended, hopefully curing it of its desire to wander."
This is God's perfect, loving discipline. He will maim me at times, in order to get me to seek Him fully, instead of the addictions I've maintained or the "half assed" attempts at happiness I find myself pursuing. No! He loves me that much that he would rather carry me around, holding me, allowing me to heal. I am so humbled by this thought. He would rather do all the work and injure me, so that my whole being will trust him alone. Amazing.
God, through his perfect repetition, is teaching me a very important lesson. I am being constantly reminded of the passage beginning in Matthew 6:
"Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Matthew 6:25-27
As I was leaving the neighborhood, I looked up and in the trees lining the road were robins...hundreds of them, feasting on the winter berries. I couldn't believe my eyes, the sheer magnitude of birds on this snowy, cold morning. No foliage in sight, except berries. All of the robins in Southwest Longmont must have been there at that moment. I was mesmerized and cheered beyond words. Not only were they colorful, but they were FAT! I love fat birds. Isn't that just amazing, that God would give the birds more than enough?
Theo and I continued our interesting gait over to the reservoir about a mile and a half away. We "ran" to the entrance and looked out on the ice and noticed three coyotes traversing the expanse. It was miraculous, to say the least. Their coats weren't ratty, they were not starving, they were obviously well fed and nourished. I was so grateful for that moment, to see these beautiful creatures being cared for perfectly by our heavenly Father.
So, if God takes abundant care of coyotes and robins, why do I spend so much mental energy in worry? It not only gets me nowhere, but quite possibly may send me backwards. I exhaust myself by running this scenario and that possibility, instead of resting at the feet of my shepherd. When it's time to move, He will lead, He will let me know.
In our book study, "Scouting the Divine", by Margaret Feinberg, she says,
"For the sheep that always wanders off - and leads other sheep astray in the process - a shepherd my resort to breaking a leg of the sheep. Then the shepherd would hand feed the sheep and carry it until the bone mended, hopefully curing it of its desire to wander."
This is God's perfect, loving discipline. He will maim me at times, in order to get me to seek Him fully, instead of the addictions I've maintained or the "half assed" attempts at happiness I find myself pursuing. No! He loves me that much that he would rather carry me around, holding me, allowing me to heal. I am so humbled by this thought. He would rather do all the work and injure me, so that my whole being will trust him alone. Amazing.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Thoughts on a Snow Day
Things are plugging along around here. We have had two snow days, so the kids have been home. The first was easy going and quiet, the second, I've put them to work and made them complete tasks for school, clean rooms, practice, etc. Not much fun for them, but I'm sure they will be fine.
My husband and I have had some interesting discussions surrounding the situation we find ourselves in. His businesses are really struggling and we just don't have any clear sense of direction of what to do or where to go. I can say, I have maintained a real peaceful existence and he is doing the same. I feel for him, how hard to not know what to do...close the doors, keep chugging along, etc. It is such a nebulous place. So, we are doing our best to be prayerful, peace-filled, surrendered and joyful. Some days are easier than others, but I am so grateful that he and I are doing better than ever.
In my Bible reading this morning, I re-visited Proverbs 3. My favorite verses are 5-6 which I clung to during my Ironman training: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him and he will make your paths straight."
A little further down in the same chapter it says, "My son (daughter), do not despise the Lord's discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in." In Hebrews, it says that in any difficulty or hardship we face, consider it discipline. It finally hit me, that we are being disciplined, and I don't want it to sound like it's a bad thing. Of course it's not comfortable, nor do I particularly desire it. But looking back over the past 2-3 weeks, I have been more joyful and peaceful than ever before in my life.
So, maybe instead of looking at God's correction negatively,I should realize that it is in these times, that he draws me ever closer to him. He extends grace into my heart, mind and soul that is only from him. He provides the strength, power and perspective to propel me along, despite me inability to see the path ahead...hence the need to trust him with all my heart and not lean on my own understanding (because I have none).
I am praying for some clarity. I would like to have something to do that will get us moving down whatever path we need to go down. But, I do know that his timing is perfect so, I will do my best to trust patiently...offering thanks.
Thank you Lord for the snow blanketing the mountains; the washing machine doing the job I don't have to do; happy kids in a warm house; new opportunities and adventures; full pantry and refrigerator.
My husband and I have had some interesting discussions surrounding the situation we find ourselves in. His businesses are really struggling and we just don't have any clear sense of direction of what to do or where to go. I can say, I have maintained a real peaceful existence and he is doing the same. I feel for him, how hard to not know what to do...close the doors, keep chugging along, etc. It is such a nebulous place. So, we are doing our best to be prayerful, peace-filled, surrendered and joyful. Some days are easier than others, but I am so grateful that he and I are doing better than ever.
In my Bible reading this morning, I re-visited Proverbs 3. My favorite verses are 5-6 which I clung to during my Ironman training: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him and he will make your paths straight."
A little further down in the same chapter it says, "My son (daughter), do not despise the Lord's discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in." In Hebrews, it says that in any difficulty or hardship we face, consider it discipline. It finally hit me, that we are being disciplined, and I don't want it to sound like it's a bad thing. Of course it's not comfortable, nor do I particularly desire it. But looking back over the past 2-3 weeks, I have been more joyful and peaceful than ever before in my life.
So, maybe instead of looking at God's correction negatively,I should realize that it is in these times, that he draws me ever closer to him. He extends grace into my heart, mind and soul that is only from him. He provides the strength, power and perspective to propel me along, despite me inability to see the path ahead...hence the need to trust him with all my heart and not lean on my own understanding (because I have none).
I am praying for some clarity. I would like to have something to do that will get us moving down whatever path we need to go down. But, I do know that his timing is perfect so, I will do my best to trust patiently...offering thanks.
Thank you Lord for the snow blanketing the mountains; the washing machine doing the job I don't have to do; happy kids in a warm house; new opportunities and adventures; full pantry and refrigerator.
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